no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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