theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My dick has a subreddit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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