I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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