i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
