Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
