Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
