Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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