true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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