in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
