I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
