Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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