Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
