I wish I only lived at night.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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