You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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