Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
