Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
