I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
