Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
