remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
