she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
