I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
