Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
