i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
