conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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