I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
