i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
