You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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