Nicole vs. Life
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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