Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
