I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
