made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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