Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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