i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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