So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
