I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
