How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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