When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
