fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
