i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
