I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
