ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
