I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
