my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize