so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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