Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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