Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
