So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
