Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
