I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
