I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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