Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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