drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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