but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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