Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You may now shotgun with the bride
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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