Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You need a sexual gate keeper
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
