I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
