Got a toothbrush?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
