all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
