I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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