I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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