even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
