I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
