Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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