Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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