Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
