yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
