He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
