i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
