Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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