now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
