how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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