Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
