Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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