Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
