i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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